G: Bring the Kids - PG: Approach With Caution - PG-13: In-Laws, Coworkers Keep Out - R: Wife, In-Laws, Coworkers Definitely Keep Out - X: Probably Something Involving Robert Logan


July 2005

My 2nd Grade Nudist Girlfriend

Karen Pierrot, my first girlfriend, lived around the corner in Whittier, in our neighborhood of shoebox sized homes and one-car garages. She was blonde and extremely cute, and had a sister in 4th grade (Karen was in 3rd, an older woman - woo hoo!) When I’d drive my bike over to her house, one of them would always answer the door topless and in shorts, this being summer and their folks being hippie types. I thought this was just great, already realizing girls were wonderful things, and shirtless ones in shorts we’re even more wonderful.

Our first kiss was at my house (sadly not at her house, where I could add the topless bit to the story). We were playing a board game in my room, and I bravely said, ”Would you like to go kiss?” Happily she said yes, so we snuck into the bathroom and locked the door. We got close, cuddled, then Rico Suave bends her backwards and plants a 20 second kiss on her. We then snuck back to my room and resumed our board game.

I somehow ran across her years later around 7th grade (after I’d moved to the other side of Whittier), and she asked if I’d like to come see her play softball. I did, so on a Sunday I drove my bike to Orchard Dale School a few miles from my house. She smiled at me from the dugout when I got there, and when the game ended, she was surrounded by her teammates. Being mortified at having to go near a group of girls, and being the shy doofus I was, I aimed my bike the other direction and drove off. That was the last time I saw her. I always wonder what she thought about my running off. Hopefully that there was an emergency or a plane landed on my house or something. Or maybe that boys were just really freakin’ weird and not to be counted on, which is probably more accurate.

Gary and Shari, The Winning Team »