G: Bring the Kids - PG: Approach With Caution - PG-13: In-Laws, Coworkers Keep Out - R: Wife, In-Laws, Coworkers Definitely Keep Out - X: Probably Something Involving Robert Logan


Jan 2009

The Greatest Solos In History

Recently somebody asked me if I could remember the best solo I ever played, and asked for an audio if it existed. After thinking about it, I realized that I had three picks, and they had nothing to do with music at all. In descending order, The Greatest Solo's In The History Of Mankind:

3. Wrench Solo:

We played Merrilark Roller Rink in 1978, and in the spirit of being a Mechanic, I grabbed an 11' wrench before the start of the solo in Chalet Time. I raised it in the air, ran towards the grinning crowd, then slid on my knees through them and tumbled 360', making absolutely non-musical racket with it. Of course it completely destroyed the frets on my beloved 1973 Gibson Flying V, and a month later the guitar was stolen. I suspect it was glad to be out of the hands of a madman and into the caring hands of Santa Ana junkies.

2. Crapper Solo:

I had to pee like mad at rehearsal once, so when a solo came up, I took the guitar off and put it over the head of then-roadie Nick Oman, he of very minimal guitar skills. While I was in the can, I heard the most glorious chicken scratch, all coming from a Marshall half-stack with everything on 11. I even stayed longer than I needed to so Nick could get his rockin' ya-ya's out. No one in the band looked particularly happy with me when I came out for some reason.

1. Nitrous Oxide Solo:

We'd worn out our welcome with too many shindigs at Ron Piper's practice studio, so for our final night I bought a case of Reddi-Whipp. A minute before the start of the solo in (again) Chalet Time 2:02, I handed out the cans to all our friends and waited. When the solo was supposed to start, I instead raised my can in a sincere toast, and prompted everyone to suck them down with me. The solo consisted of me staring wildly at everyone, and everyone staring back at me, all grinning ear to ear and enjoying our insane 20 second communal buzzes. If I didn't know someone who died doing this, I'd be ready to do it again, like right now.