TALL TALES

G: Bring the Kids - PG: Approach With Caution - PG-13: In-Laws, Coworkers Keep Out - R: Wife, In-Laws, Coworkers Definitely Keep Out - X: Probably Something Involving Robert Logan

14

July 2005

Blind Troy

We had a friend named Troy who was a great blues guitarist, and who was also blind, which didn’t stop him from doing much of anything. He skied, drove cars (not a typo, his biker friends liked to take risks), and got more girls from his affliction than you can even imagine. He knew that most women thought he never got any dates, so they’d line up to provide him sympathy sex. If they only knew. Troy was like Dean Martin in his heyday.

Troy’s sense of humor was a lot of fun. His main line to greet people was, ”You Negro!” He was also an expert in keying in on your voice, reaching out and finding your nipple and squeezing the hell out of it. 90% of the time he was spot on. You’d be talking, a grin would come over his face, and you knew trouble was coming.

One night, we were hanging out after rehearsal when Troy and his crew arrive, and he’s laughing his big drunk laugh and says he’s got a present for us. They’d been getting stoned in a graveyard, when Troy reached over and realized the 1923 headstone next to him was loose. He started laughing, snatched it, and everyone had to run after him to try and get it back. They didn’t, and it was now in our studio. Short story, but we ordered it out (too creepy), and it ended up in Mike Dratch’s back yard. A year later, Dratch got a visit from the police who said word had got back to the relatives about it’s whereabouts, and he convinced them of his innocence with his story of this crazed blind guy that left it there.

Troy passed away (drunk, smoking in bed, very sad), but would have loved his eulogy. Church people, musicians, bikers (”Me and Troy used to get f************d up!”) took turns talking about different lives people didn’t know Troy had. He was friends with everybody. His girlfriend played tunes he’d recorded, and everyone had a fun time, which is how he would have liked it. Troy was a blast.

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