G: Bring the Kids - PG: Approach With Caution - PG-13: In-Laws, Coworkers Keep Out - R: Wife, In-Laws, Coworkers Definitely Keep Out - X: Probably Something Involving Robert Logan


July 2005

Yoohoo! The Boner-Inducing Action Drink

Every group of kids has the one guy that ends up being (I'm generalizing here) in sales - the forceful guy that can convince people of anything, at least for a little while. One Sunday in 3nd grade, when about eight of us were out trolling Whittier's fields and abandoned lots, our version of that guy advised us that if you drank Yoohoo!, you'd get an immediate boner. He was very convincing, and we were very curious. It was off to find this holy grail of beverages.

Our group walked to the drive-thru dairy, bought our Yoohoo!'s, and continued the trek to the field at school. Once there, we sat in a circle, chugged down our Yoohoo!'s and waited. We all looked around at each other to see who'd get his boner first. 10 minutes passed and nothing. 15 minutes, pretty much the same thing. 20 minutes, and we were off to root through apartment dumpsters for Playboy's, lurid Vibra Color mags, and whatever else might actually do the trick.

My 2nd Grade Nudist Girlfriend »